I made my excuses and left
This story is based on the lyrics (and inspired by the general mood) of the song 'I made my excuses and left' by the Pet Shop Boys.
I WALKED INTO THE ROOM
/ Never had been there before and up to now it didn't look like I had missed something. Everything looked greenish either because it actually had a green colour or because it was lit by a green light. Every second light in here had been replaced by a green light. I guess that should be received as modern, stylish or something but frankly, I think it was just what it looked like: green. And it didn't really matter to me anyway. I was not here because of the interior. Well, actually I was but just because of one special temporary piece of interior. She waited upstairs. For me. At least that's what I hoped. I don't know since when she visited this club but a friend of hers told me I might meet her here. I was really in love with this girl. Not sure whether she already knew but I was like 100 per cent definitive and she would be introduced to that very soon. We had met at university during the "Web 2.0"-course. I had recognized her earlier but never got a chance to talk to her. And it went just *BAM* from there and I immediately fell for her. I'm just too shy a guy for engaging her 'full steam ahead' so I kept talking to her now and then, tried to get to know her but not really letting her know about my feelings. But I think she likes me and we get along together very well. We dated several times, it was always fun. Today I decided that I need to tell her. Last time I wrote a letter to the girl but that was a stupid idea. Face to face it needs to be. Here and now. I went upstairs. How funny. Obviously this was the red room. What was the club called? Traffic lights?
IMAGINE MY SURPRISE
/ when I opened the door. I saw her sitting on one of the tables and approached her from behind. She looked beautiful although I could barely see her. Quite a lot of people in here. Certainly more than downstairs. maybe it's the color.
YOU WERE SITTING CLOSE TO HIM
/ 'Him' equals a guy I also knew from university. Seen him from time to time. What does he do here? With her?? Maybe they just met by surprise. But why were they
STARING IN EACH OTHER'S EYES
/ I suddenly had this very bad feeling. And then it happened. He leaned over to her and kissed her. He kissed her. My girl. I closed my eyes and opened them again, hoping that I saw some kind of false image or visual illusion. But their mouths remained connected anxiously exchanging body liquids. Disgusting. Driven by a hidden force I went over to them nevertheless. Standing in front of them they recognized me.
EACH OF YOU LOOKED UP
/ and I suddenly was in midst of their attention. They looked at me, I looked at them. Then, nothing. I tried to build a sentence mentally
BUT NO ONE SAID A WORD
/ And then I saw this look on her face as if saying: "What do YOU do here". And then I saw his look and he said: "Hi! What do you do here?" "I'm here to kill you and get my girl." I might have said that. I'm not sure whether I did. No, I didn't. I thought. I wondered. I was embarassed. Really embarassed. To come here. About my plan to tell her. The whole situation. I was numb for some time. Then the feeling came back. I didn't know what to feel. Not really. Or perhaps.
I FELT I SHOULD APOLOGISE
/ I had made a mistake. Wait, had I? I didn't know it. She didn't tell me, neither did he. Even the friend I talked to didn't tell me. Can I be responsible for not knowing? Should I feel sorry
FOR WHAT I HADN'T HEARD
/ ? I didn't know what to say. They didn't know what to say.
A SILENCE FILLED THE ROOM
AWKWARD AS AN ELEPHANT
/ And the red light now seemed to me like a vivid "Stop"-sign. No go. For anyone. It seemed like everybody suddenly stopped moving. Talking. Thinking. Everybody froze in my imagination and there were only the three of us. "Three of us". That sounds silly. Even now. There can be only two. I knew that. And that didn't include me. Obviously. There was nothing I could do. I stood there for felt hours until I understood that I was not the only one
IN THE CROWDED COURT OF YOUR LOVE
/ . There seemed to be at least one more person. And she kissed this person. She never kissed me. And she never will. Maybe someone really threw down a glass or I just imagined the sound of breaking glass along with the broken heart I carried now.
I WAS NOW A SUPPLICANT AND CLUMSY AS I FELT
/ I should have thought this over again. Coming here and things. Jesus, what did I have in mind? If anything. In all the versions I had imagined this very moment that had never occurred to me. And I have a vivid imagination. Who would think of such a... thing. Of standing here in midst of maybe hundred people. Internally breaking down
AT STUMBLING ON THIS THEFT
/ Yeah that's what it is. He's a thief and he stole her from me. Leaving me behind. Intentionally. Purposefully. Not by actively doing something. I was lost the moment I entered this etablissement. What could I do
TO SAVE FURTHER EMBARRASSMENT
/? I need to get out of here. Now. "I'm sorry, I was about to go. Hope you have a nice evening." I murmured something like that and then
I MADE MY EXCUSES AND LEFT
/. I turned around and walked away. It seemed like miles to me. The red light around me seemed like flames. I was leaving this place in a total state of destruction. Inside. Outside. Every side. While I dived through the green lounge I felt like everybody stared at me like they wanted to say: "Nice try boy. Better luck next time." I didn't breath until I was outside on the street. I looked up to the window. I would have liked to break down right there. But I didn't. And then it struck me like lightning: I'm all alone again - I'm all alone.
SO LONG AGO
/ I remembered the last time I had this feeling. I walked quietly down the street.
I FELT LIKE SUCH A FOOL
/ The more I thought about it, the more I understood that there was nothing I could have done. Why did fate cheat on me so badly? Why did SHE cheat on me? Didn't I get the memo that said: "Hey, there's this other guy so don't even try!" I felt like I should break down in tears but then again this was not the time
/. This hasn't been the first time. And it probably wouldn't be the last. Pretty sure. I didn't really know much but
ALL THAT I KNOW
IS WHEN YOU FEEL INSIDE
/ like hell. The worst you've ever felt. Even if you feel
/ you're still feeling something. And you're still there. I would get another chance. Hopefully. Surely. I felt broken that day. And the day after that. Even days later. But after some time I realised the truth:
IT ALL BEGINS AGAIN
/ And I will start anew. I will find love one day that is meant for me. And me alone.
/ all the things people did or said to me. All the bad things. A world that is against me from time to time. I will forget. I did see her again. Several times. But we didn't talk. I sure didn't want to. Neither did she I guess. She married that guy. Maybe. Who knows. I'll get over this. Forget about it. You just have to try again. You don't find a reason not to. Really. It just goes on. Despite any of
to refine. probably
(c) original lyrics by Pet Shop Boys
as posted to deviantart.com∞